learning the hard way

recently i've noticed a revival of Xanga. i decided to check out my old blogs and such. looking through the chronicles of my college life. i've realized all the stupid crap that i've overcome. in all honesty it showed me all my failed relationships and all the heartache i went through because of stupid guys and my inexperienced mindset. one in particular made me feel really embarrassed that i even liked him, that i opened up myself to him, and in the end just to end up with a mountain of drama and a broken heart. I know that its the big relationships that leave an impression on your heart that never fades, but its also those in between-relationships that make you realize how desperate and ugly you really can get. Looking back.... i don't even know what i saw in him. i think its one of those ugly duckling feelings. I had a crush on him in HS, he was cool and i was not. He was always hanging out with his cool friends, playing pool, and just always knew what to wear. And i....i was the girl with the bushy eyebrows, braces, and an awkward smile. When i finally bumped into him again in college i was definitely different and i got him to notice me and it felt great. I did the craziest things for him and i thought he really liked me, thank God i found out in time before anything really bad happened that i would of regretted for the rest of my life. Guys are so sneaky like that and at the same time i was such an idiot. I look at our old xangas and its to apparent to me now. he was two-timing me. and the other girl would comment right under mine. HOW COULD I NOT SEE!!!

i'm not really sure why this one came into mind... but all i can say is that it was a learning experience. it hurt my heart cause i gave my all and i thought i was ready. but the best lesson i learned from it was to follow my gut instinct. even though i couldnt see for myself because what i wanted was greater than knowing the truth, but deep down inside i always knew he would be bad for me. he was bad in HS, he was bad for me in college, and he's probably still a douchington. if you're a good guy girls will know, its a gut instinct. whether they choose to follow that instinct is another story.