and the asian family cycle goes on

alot of the times i wonder where i come from. seriously, i am the odd piece out in my family. i am not family oriented, i dont obey my parents, i talk back, i'm independent, i like to be an individual. on the other hand my siblings listen to my parents and they get along very well with them.

i think the number one thing about being from an asian family is that there is no emotion involved. i can barely remember the last time anyone from my family hugged me, let alone give me a kiss on the cheek or forehead. i also think that communication is key to any relationship. and it completely frustrates me that i can't convey any feelings toward my parents. they dont understand it. when i cry my mother laughs and my father gets angry. i try to explain that there is a problem with our relationship. no one will hear me out; my dad just walks out and doesnt want to deal with it. its never a good time for him, his famous line is "i come home after work and all i want to do is relax, and you ruined it". and my mother, i think why we but heads is because i dont agree with the way she handles situations. she never speaks up for herself especially when it comes to my father, she rather sacrifice her happiness inorder not to make him upset. so it doesnt matter if spend a whole night crying, she just chooses not to acknowledge it so that my father doesnt get upset.

and that worst part of all this is that i see in my siblings' eyes what i see from my parents' eyes. they are starting to pull away from me and they dont understand me. ugh... too frustrated to finish. but i do know a solution to all this. just be civil and stop trying to get me to treat me as part of the family and just treat them like acquaintances

goodbye family.

learning the hard way

recently i've noticed a revival of Xanga. i decided to check out my old blogs and such. looking through the chronicles of my college life. i've realized all the stupid crap that i've overcome. in all honesty it showed me all my failed relationships and all the heartache i went through because of stupid guys and my inexperienced mindset. one in particular made me feel really embarrassed that i even liked him, that i opened up myself to him, and in the end just to end up with a mountain of drama and a broken heart. I know that its the big relationships that leave an impression on your heart that never fades, but its also those in between-relationships that make you realize how desperate and ugly you really can get. Looking back.... i don't even know what i saw in him. i think its one of those ugly duckling feelings. I had a crush on him in HS, he was cool and i was not. He was always hanging out with his cool friends, playing pool, and just always knew what to wear. And i....i was the girl with the bushy eyebrows, braces, and an awkward smile. When i finally bumped into him again in college i was definitely different and i got him to notice me and it felt great. I did the craziest things for him and i thought he really liked me, thank God i found out in time before anything really bad happened that i would of regretted for the rest of my life. Guys are so sneaky like that and at the same time i was such an idiot. I look at our old xangas and its to apparent to me now. he was two-timing me. and the other girl would comment right under mine. HOW COULD I NOT SEE!!!

i'm not really sure why this one came into mind... but all i can say is that it was a learning experience. it hurt my heart cause i gave my all and i thought i was ready. but the best lesson i learned from it was to follow my gut instinct. even though i couldnt see for myself because what i wanted was greater than knowing the truth, but deep down inside i always knew he would be bad for me. he was bad in HS, he was bad for me in college, and he's probably still a douchington. if you're a good guy girls will know, its a gut instinct. whether they choose to follow that instinct is another story.

sweaty palms!

this is the start to a new era.... my dad has officially left me the family minivan. it's taken about 5 years for him to let me drive the damn thing. he's very funny when it comes to letting other people drive the minivan. before he got this new job, the car was his transportation to and from work so he was very protective of it. and in addition to that he always says that women are the worst drivers EVER. i mean he's such a firm believer that he never allowed my mom to her license in fear that she might hurt herself of someone else. LOL

anyways, against his wishes, i am the driver now. and i am scared to death. you should see the streets i live on and you'd be scared to parallel park there as well. i never thought my father's narrow-mindedness would rub off on me but now i truly feel it deep in my heart that i'm a horrible driver. its innate!

so i bid you all farewell for i might no longer be able to post because i'll will be forever trying to park the minivan. its like in those greek myths when people are sent to hell and they have to endure these horrible horrible feats. like that guy that has to push a boulder up the mountain but it keeps falling down and the other guy that has hawk pick at him??? something like that...

something bad

i did something bad.... i'm at that point where i'm so done with work. i have five more days and i'm a free woman. i've done everything i can at that job - i trained the new girl and taught her everything i know (well almost) and i've finished up any projects so that people won't be lost. and now at work i basically chat on AIM all day and answer any questions the new girl has, she does all the work that i used to do =D

so now...the bad thing. i faked a stomach virus at work yesterday anf i left mid-day. then this morning i woke up to startling thunder and lightening only to find out that there was a tornado warning. so cause i'm fat and lazy. i call in and say that i'm still sick! c'mon truthfully i wouldnt of gotten into the city till the afternoon cause all the stations were flooded. and my boss would have still made me come in....during 9/11 he was STILL trying to trade and during the blackout he still wanted his workers to come in even tho there was no power!!!!

all in all... I FELT GOOD (to stick it to the man)

...and so it begins...

HELLO ALL!! *wave*

welcome to my new blog, i hope you enjoy my ramblings

WHO

i am currently 23 years old living at home with my parents in brooklyn (i know is sounds pathetic, but it gets better). I'm moving to Antigua in a couple of months to be with lova =D I work in the city for a Municipal bond brokerage, i do mainly back office. I am one person doing a 2-3 person workload. my boss is a 80ish jew-man who refuses to retire and lives to make my life miserable. some would say i am a disgruntled worker.

On the flipside, i have a great boyfriend, who is studying in Antigua to be a doctor, fabulous firends that love and care for me. who could ask for more?

WHEN

my good friend's blogspot inspired me to start one of my own. since i will be leaving for Antigua soon, i decided it was a good idea to share with everyone my journey and keep everyone on updated on my where abouts. i have a little caution note for everyone reading this, i'm not wildly entering and my i write very poorly.

WHERE

new york and antigua. right now i'm still getting ready to move, and in september i will be gracing the beautiful beaches of Antigua. i am beyond excited. i'll get to see my boyfirend more than once every 4 months, i get to quit my horrid job, i'll get to study for my GMATS, and i'll be on the beach!!!! YES!!! *fist pump*

WHAT and HOW

ummm i'm not even sure what is write for "what" cause it totally irrelevant. and how?

by plane of ofcourse!