(another) fresh start

hello all.

here is another one of my attempts to putting down my life in writing. my last appearance was sometime in 2008 when i had an urge to capture my dreams and try to decipher their meanings. its it now 2 years later, much has changed. my change has to do with growing up and i am quickly learning that "growing up" means holding in alot (and i am NOT good at doing that) this is where this blog comes in, i will let all my anger and frustration out here and hopefully chronicle my life a bit to have something to long back to and know that this was mine, a place for me.

ok, lets start, shall we? i will not be using real names even though it is highly unlikely the people and place i work at will ever read this blog, better to be safe than sorry! and trust me i have alot to be sorry for. i live in brooklyn with my fiance. i work in the healthcare industry and this is where alot of my red hot feelings come from. i spend 9-5 , 5 days a week there. thats a bit chunk of my life spent feeling angry, upset, lonely, like an outsider.

This is where it all starts. It's the Monday before I head back to work, a whole new work week. I'm nervous to know how the rest of my time at STU will be. I've only with STU for about 5 months and it is already to a very VERY bad start. I'm part of a team comprised of 4 other women. 4 other women that all get along and chit-chat and gossip in the back (in my line of vision)  while i sit an work. I feel like shit  when they do that and they do it everyday. I have never felt this insecure, not even in high school.

Perhaps if I explain a bit about each of them you will understand they way I feel OR it just might make you think that I'm a whiny bitch. In that case you can go read another blog and get your face out of mine! Let's start off in the degree of least pungent and annoying, Kristen is a very nice girl, mostly quiet and keeps to herself, but is still part of their group. Second is Sam, the oldest of the group. Crazy, fake, attention-whore, and old are a few words that come to mind when I think of her. Compared to the rest I've known her the longest and confided in her only to find out she is on their side. Wanting to fit in and laugh about me behind my back. The third, the on that was a lone sheep out of the group and I brought her in and she left me behind. But thats a whole different story where I totally fucked up. But this is and acts very young and childish, she should also learn to shut her mouth or perhaps she just talks that was to me and regarding me. Her name is Pricilla. And finally the last of this wretched group the worst of them all. And let me add in that even though she is thoroughly annoying, I know deep down inside its because I'm a hater and that is why I have such a difficult time with her. She thinks she is so pretty and smart (i cannot for for the life me figure out if she is really smart or if she's just really good at guessing) anyways she is the fakest fake can get, her voice is utterly annoying, and yet she is such a good actor that she captivates all who enters her show. All my bosses love her, all my colleagues love her, and she, SHE is the center of this group. I can't win.